I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize