oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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