I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
