going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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