he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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