You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
