Having a random hookup so left but love u
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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