Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
