I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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