So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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