i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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