You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
