Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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