Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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