dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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