oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
