i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
