So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
