i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize