I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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