He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
