i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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