We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
