you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
