If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
