babies were throwing up all over the place
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
