i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
