you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
