peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
