I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
