I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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