I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
