Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
