I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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