She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize