If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
