Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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