im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
