Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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