hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
