I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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