Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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