Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
