Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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