Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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