I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
