im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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