he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
