He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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