I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
