I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
