yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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