and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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