dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
