My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
