my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
