People in love make me want to vomit
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize