i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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