True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
