The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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