Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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