I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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