i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
