He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
