um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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