Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize