sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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