I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
